hi I'm Alexandra Lloyd a French Canadian who's called Birmingham Alabama home since 2,017 welcome to from where to here the podcast that celebrates the rich diversity of languages cultures and the stories that connect us all each month I'll sit down with inspiring guests from different backgrounds to explore their cultures languages and tackle some fun in our truth or dare or debunk segment whether you're a language enthusiast a culture lover or just curious about the world you're in the right place let's dive into your next favorite cultural adventure from where to here is independently produced by me crafted with curiosity culture and a little bit of coffee welcome back to from where to here today it's just me I'm gonna be sharing with you what it was like to move countries for love uh we're gonna touch on the K1 visa process and also how I have lost and find pieces of myself along the way are you ready let's start by talking about why I moved in the first place I met my now husband Sam in vacation in the Cayman Islands and that was in December of 2,014 we were both vacationing he was there because he it was his first time outside of the country and one of his best friend's family moved to the Cayman Islands from Birmingham Alabama for work and he happened to go during the holidays it was his first time outside of the country he just graduated from college at UAB University of Birmingham in Alabama and he was there for Christmas and I happened to meet him the exact first night first day he got on the island we met that evening at a pub the pub exactly I cannot tell you the name but one of those pub out there that's very popular and I was there well I told my mom I was going there with friends and I really was there by myself at the time I was very out of fear I traveled to the Cayman Islands doing something back in the days called couch surfing where you sleep on the couch of your host and it's free and for me living in Montreal Quebec Canada at the time I wanted in between my two sessions of college I wanted to just go somewhere that it was warm Cayman Islands happened to be the cheapest flight I could find that was a round trip and I can be surrounded by palm trees the sun and have my feet in the sand and that's what got me to book that ticket our winters are long up north and that was my way of um decompressing from college and just seeing something else and we happened to meet on that night I didn't think much of that meet up actually how did that happen I was with my host and a couple of his friends their friends we were a group of friends but that really just recently met and we were playing beer pong that night Sam happened to hear my French accent that caught his attention maybe his side of the story would be for another episode but really uh he heard my French accent I think he pretended to throw the ball my way which then happened to we could start a conversation and he ended up talking to me I don't remember what we said but um at the end of the night he ended up asking for my phone number I gave him to him he was inviting me to go play volleyball the next day he was with family which um one of them it's two brothers one of them still live in Birmingham and the other one is now in New York but at the time he was residing with his parents in the Cayman Islands so these were the first people close to him that I got to meet and I'll be honest that first night I didn't think much of it uh the one of the woman that was with me she made the comment like ooh like he's really cute and I was like no yeah like I was kind of like sure but I didn't think much of it cause meeting a cute guy doesn't I don't know to me it wasn't enough at least in that moment it was like yeah sure but you know life goes on kind of I didn't think much of it until we met the day after and this is when I had my moment because and really it wasn't how he looked it wasn't how he talked to me what really really stood out that made me stop made me pause and think in my head and kind of like being more curious about him was the way he talked to the people that I was with and this person his name is Ivan hi Ivan if you're listening he was so respectful and he generally was interested in getting to know him asking him questions and I thought wow this this he was kind of natural at this honestly later come to find out he really is natural at making good first impressions but also that caught my attention that really got my attention from there we spent as much time as we could for the next 10 remaining days that he was on the island I was there for a month he was there for about a week or 10 days I got a little job with the the the water skis and I remember he would bring me peanut butter jelly sandwiches at lunch chop cut up into and we will eat together looking at the beach that's one of the key moments I I remember and we would just have some great conversations I think the full story maybe with his side of it would be interesting let me know if you'd like to have him on the pod at the end of the 10 so days actually I journal every single day when I was there and we've we met obviously so he was in my journaling um the last night before he was flying back he invited me on a date and I remember we were staying at an apartment well okay he that was a condo or apartment of someone I don't really remember and I ended up borrowing shoes of a woman that wasn't there but we were at her place they were really cute and happened to be my size so I got all dolled up and we had that nice sushi date and we made a cheers that night we made a cheer that one day we will see each other no matter if we had kids if we have met someone else if we're married if whatever happens because we had such a strong connection we wanted to remain in contact and we wanted to see each other again thinking that we each live in a different country and there's absolutely no ways that we can see each other again aside of us committing to seeing each other again just one time just just just to like hey let let let's make it cheer because we didn't see anything else as being an option of like like it didn't even cross my mind at the time that we could be married or that we could have a relationship or some type of relationship so it's really interesting how just life happens this is in a nutshell the story of how we met I ended up staying more days come back home and then obviously you tell about your trip to your family and friends my family and friends didn't react not bad not well just huh you met a guy OK this guy and it like there was it was just like OK cool like she had a good time she's gonna move on and when Sam shared with his family they thought oh boy and the one thing that he did too is he really wanted to save my voice in a way so he recorded me uh speaking French and saying a message to his family that he can play again um so I was I was speaking in English obviously for that but you could hear my French accent just as a way to introduce me to his family I guess so that was cute we ended up talking to each other every single day we will Facetime text and at some point I was like this is not gonna work I was still in college wanted to party I think I was in a different place in my life where it didn't feel right to do some sort of long distance relationship like that and I didn't want it it it has been already a couple of weeks it's I think it has been so that was December January 2,014 and then about three months in I believe I told him I was like I think we should stop talking I don't wanna lose your time I don't wanna lose mine let's just let's just take a break at the same time he told me about a trip to California that he was planning to go visit his uncles I was trying to get an internship there thinking oh maybe I can spend some more time with him while he's in California it was really hard I couldn't find an internship in California he wasn't sure I would come so he invited one of his buddies turns out I flew there and we ended up being the three of us on the trip that was a different friend Mica which but at the time I used to call mica cause Mica is not a common name for me in Canada I've never heard that name before and to me it was mica because it's m I c a H and it in French he will read that as Mika so Mika that's how I would call him at some point he left and we really just picked it back where we left off or early relationship we had a great time in California we visited his uncle they really treated us so well we were welcome uh we explore Yosemite with them stayed at a nice hotel we had like a honeymoon type of trip it was really dreamy again very dreamy after that trip I told him I said well I flew all the way from Montreal to California why don't you do the same and come back with me well he booked the same flight that I already had for my return to Montreal and he was supposed to stay for a week he stayed for a month he got to meet my friends my family and after that we agreed that we will commit to seeing each other every two months that was the maximum amount of time cause 5 months was way too long for us we couldn't do it every two months he will fly or I will fly sometimes it was just for a weekend two days I remember that Halloween weekend I could be extreme the way I do things and I wanna make sure everything was clean before he arrives and in order I don't know why they clean up more than food maybe I cook some food too I can't remember but I know I cleaned deep clean the apartment with me and my the apartment I shared with roommates at the time I think we're three girls so four of us and I was exhausted by the time he arrived I was exhausted and I fell asleep so early and he was only there for two days barely he was flying back the Monday morning and then heading straight to his work on the same Monday and it was special every time we see each other we would really connect we will write letters to each other yes paper letters that you take a pen and you write on paper and then you mail it but also text messages was big and you know Facetime obviously in all this how long did it last well that continued until March of the following year and I was in Orange Beach Alabama and this is when he proposed to me so he had picked a ring we had talked about it we had talked about committing to each other living in the same country um but I wasn't necessarily expecting that it would happen that at that time or anything like that plus I never wanted to be married this is not something that I envisioned for myself this is not something that I had an idea of what I wanted to look like even like you know some people dream about that day it wasn't the case for me for him it was important because it was part of his culture to be married and in my culture we date and then we commit and we can start a life together but there's no such thing as getting married at least it's not necessarily as common or it's very easy to make the choice to not get married and you're still committed and we even have a word in French that says conjoint or conjoint de fait conjoint de fait and that means that on your taxes uh it looks totally different it looks like you um you you share responsibility financial responsibilities and and I think you even become conjoint fee after a certain number of years that you have the same address that you live together so by default it does that and also I think with kids but there's actually a new law now um with kids if you have kids after a certain date I think they consider you something different if you're if you've been living together you have kids but you're not married there's like a new status and a new tax benefit I believe especially for the person that earn less money now I see the marriage is something very different and now I I'm more kind of in the mindset of why do people don't get married um for many reasons and one of them I think the financial aspect I think it protects both individual in that sense and I think also it's a good way to seal the love that you have for the other person as a promise that you'll be there no matter what and you're committed and you're also willing to make the efforts that it takes to be in a relationship because to fall in love it's easy to maintain a healthy relationship that's hard but you gotta pick your hard and and yeah I think it's just a decision that each person needs to make for themselves from that moment of the proposal that's when we start the visa paperwork which is the K1 visa some people call it the Beyonce visa that's also K1 visa the same visa that they made a show about very popular in the US if you haven't heard of it go check it out people keep telling me about it like when I first moved here people will continually talk to me about the K1 visa and show I was like oh I've never watched it um it's reality show really and it's about the people that have sometimes never met meet each other they've never met each other and then they go on that show and try to start a life together it's really hard I mean I think at first even though but okay before I jump there I just wanna say that we started visa paperwork it took another 11 months so almost another year and as soon as I got the okay you're good to come then I move officially brought my last luggages and here I was and that was February 11th of 2,017 so that was right before my birthday and during the winter I was living at my uncle and aunt's house just kind of temporarily knowing that this was coming and also I didn't want to take a full time job so I worked in a warehouse I was a supervisor in a warehouse for the holidays because I knew this was coming and I didn't want to be dishonest with my employer but that also was hard because a little before I moved officially I got an opportunity for my work that I had to say no and it was really what I wanted to do so that was tough I remember let me take you to when I got out of the plane I messaged Sam I believe we we talked and he was like hey why don't we go to the courthouse right away and we did his parents brought flowers we we went to the courthouse signed a paperwork I was wearing a hoodie I'll make sure to put a picture up there for you nothing fancy we had that picture outside where I'm holding the certificate and we're just both of us like close to each other and just smiley and I have my my leg propping in the back and and then we came back to the parents house because we lived there for eight months before we move in our condo because we were renovating it so that definitely was a hard period but we Learned a lot through that and as far as the visa in itself that's probably the easiest way for anyone of obviously wanting to come to the US but for us it was what was necessary to be able to be together really you hear all kind of stories with the visas um but this is considered a short process as far as what we've experienced we had to get testimonials from friends and family we had a binder that was like a good inch thick if not more of just forms testimonials pictures music tickets like concerts that we've been to um letters that we sent each other screenshots that were printed of conversations by text message emails that we send each other so you really need to build a case when you apply for that type of visa and that's what we did and Sam really took the lead with this he so solely hired a lawyer for an hour and after that he's like I'm gonna do it by myself so he really took the lead on that and he had to prove that he could support me financially there's a couple of things that they check you know bank account and um obviously you're not a criminal um things like that so yeah that was the first step for me to become a citizen which now I am a citizen recently got citizen um it really is a process but I would say you're good as soon as you have your green card so cause then you can travel outside of the country and you can also work and it gives you definitely more freedom than at first I think the hardest part of going through that process the visa process was just all the steps that you end up taking and you have to double check triple check quadruple check and you're thinking is this enough and it seems to never be enough the proofs that you gather so I would say that's probably the hardest thing to go through that emotional roller coaster with your significant other distance by distance cause you're not together filling these up you're for the most part in two different countries separated from each other and saying okay we need this we need that and you're just you're really just trying to enjoy your life and be together and I think that's the hardest part and then thinking okay like are we really doing this it's it's scary I think it is and but also we were so in love I don't think that I thought of everything that was involved as a as a roadblock I think it's really more the emotional roller coaster that it puts you through by having to take all these steps and have these appointments I also don't think it affected our relationship in a way that it was a super positive or negative it was really more putting us through some emotional roller coaster at least on my end um I think Sam was working a lot on it and probably putting some stress on himself of making sure that you know cause he just started a job he had that vision for us and he really made it happen so I think that's something that he really grasped to keep himself going because he knew what he wanted and I followed his lead in that sense if I've had one piece of advice for anyone going through this process with someone that they've met abroad that would be to be honest with each other and to keep proofs of everywhere you go every communications you have like take pictures and have copies of everything start early don't wait take pictures everywhere you go take pictures and we were doing it without thinking of oh we need the proofs but definitely something that's gonna come in handy when comes the time to fill out the application okay let's talk about how did it feel when I first got here there's a graph online I'll tell you and it's the honeymoon phase and then it talks about different phases that you go through and yeah at first it's really the honeymoon phase and then you go in the very dark side where it's it's hard to find your landmarks it's hard to just live a completely completely different life at least it has been for me I couldn't drive on my own I didn't have my own car okay let me put let me set the stage at first I'm from Montreal area Quebec Canada I've been very independent since the age of thirteen and I'm also very independent by nature I like to do my own things I have a ton of interest I like to get out I'm more of an extrovert than an introvert I would say I live in a very dynamic city where there's always something to do day night every day of the week and I have had my group of friends I had some family near me I had four season which is the part I probably don't miss I'll be honest but yeah I've had a life I built my network I was starting a career I just finished college and then suddenly I moved somewhere that I don't know anyone I live at my in laws house with some in laws that still are at home as well so my brother in laws and sister in laws we live in the basement we have our own bathroom thankfully in a room we live in boxes cause what's the point of unboxing if we know we're gonna move out eventually so all the boxes that I shipped or the things that I brought little by little oh by the way if you decide to do that be mindful about what you bring the weirdest thing that I brought in my suitcase they end up opening my suitcase and thinking back that was the strangest thing and I don't know why I did that I brought hangers yes hangers that you put clothes on and the guy just like lift them and look this type of search for your suitcase they take you at the back and they open your suitcase in front of you because I got stuck a couple of times throughout that process because I was traveling with like 2 3 huge suitcases every time I was visiting just as a way to pay less on the cost of bringing my belongings moving my belongings they thought that I would stay in the state so they will always make sure I had a return date and that I have previously booked my ticket so something else to be aware here uh but yeah it was a completely new life so I obviously like I said didn't have my car I didn't have a job I couldn't really get a job I didn't know anyone it's just you start from scratch the gas stations have different name the grocery stores have different names the coffee shops have different names it's just you lose your landmarks everything that you grew up with for 20 something years suddenly doesn't look the same and it's in a different language that you spoke your entire life I grew up and spoke French my entire life and then boom it's only in English let me tell you something it gets exhausting quick especially early on now I don't get that same type of draining now I work in French I speak uh and in English I do 90% of my life is in English now if not 95 I mean at home I speak English at work I speak English with my friends I speak English with my in laws I speak English the only time I speak French is with the French community that I ended up kind of finding and bringing all together um and then Spanish here and there um but it is very disorienting I felt like a guest in my own life at some point I wanted to get involved with toastmasters it's an organization that helps you with public speaking and the reason was I got asked to be a president elect for the American Marketing Association of Alabama or Birmingham specifically and when you become president elect the following year you become president and that means you also speak in front of a crowd and I was terrified by the idea of doing that but also I like a good challenge so I thought why not join an organization that can help me with my words speaking just in general improving my English through public speaking because one of the exercises they do each time you have a meet up is you pick a card I remember you'll pick a card gives you a topic and then for maybe 30 seconds you have to deliberately speak about that topic in front of an audience and say something that makes sense and on the other side you also had to practice a speech so put together a speech and the first one is an icebreaker and I thought what's a better idea having me read my icebreaker speech well I'm gonna read that speech that I gave back in April of 2,019 so if you think about it that was a little over two years after I first moved I'm actually addressing my speech kind of like if I'm addressing a letter to a close friend so it goes like this dear Peach it's been a while since we talked and I'm sorry for not updating you if you only knew what I went through trying to adapt to my new environment I'm sure you would understand and forgive me this is how it all began I finally got the letter in the mail that allowed me to come to the US for good and be able to live with Sam as soon as I got the news I called him booked my one way ticket Montreal Birmingham and packed my two enormous suitcases that will carry my last belongings I have chills I was so excited for this new adventure of life I really was wow I wasn't expecting that I think it's just taking me back because if I have to be honest this is the hardest thing I've done in my life one of the hardest thing but I'm also so happy I did it's just that when you think about it sometimes you know it's a big move um and it really had an impact on me so let me keep going haha I was so excited for this new adventure of life I didn't know exactly what to expect no I didn't but I knew that I was making the right decision and I was so happy to finally be at this stage in our relationship I got off the plane and we went straight to the courthouse we didn't lose any time Sam forgot my ring on the way to the airport and his parents had to go get it before meeting us there it was probably because of stress the wedding was short and sweet but that's what we wanted after dinner with my new parents and my new husband we came back to my in laws house since we didn't have a home yet we've been looking at apartments to rent because we didn't think buying a house would be the right choice for now one day I got a call from Sam I could feel the excitement in his voice he said that he was driving in Homewood and noticed a for sale sign in front of a condo he sent me pictures and said that it was the perfect location reasonable price great investment but but we needed to do some work before moving in ah what do you think my answer was a straight no I didn't wanna do that I didn't wanna have to go through renovations when all my clothes were still in boxes living in a small room mainly no because it would take time too much time then I started thinking more about it we were living in the in laws basement and I wanted to have my own privacy one night we had a long conversation sitting on the bed of his brother's truck debating on buying this townhome or not I remember it was a dark at night we could see the stars in the sky and we just talk and talk for so long two weeks later we had the key in hand and started renovating we sanded the floors where there was wood and tiled in other areas the sanding part was probably the worst we had to rent the equipment watch YouTube videos

00am one night to finish sanding during the day I painted the walls when you're on the first coat in the first room it's kind of fun when you're on the second coat painting beige on beige in the fourth room plus it's 86 Fahrenheit and the only air blowing at you is from an old fan that you really have to angle to feel a tiny breeze it wasn't fun anymore back in the in laws house it's still going I don't have much to do I watched a lot of Netflix series and Orange Is the New Black has been a new favorite since I find similarities between the blonde hair woman and I both are stuck in jail and have limited access to real life because I haven't told you but I also didn't have my own transportation can you imagine not even being able to take a bus ride and walk in the city like we used to do on nice summer days I miss that Peach speaking of jail I need to tell you a dream I had back then Sam and I were asleep in our bed and when I opened my eyes in the dream I looked around and instead of being in our basement room our mattress was on the kitchen floor all the family members were standing and staring at us I remember I was pulling on my sheet to cover myself and couldn't say a word seriously I love my husband's family and couldn't have adapted to my new life without them all six of them contributed in their own way to help me acclimate it's just sometimes you want your own space after 8 months the renovations were over and we finally moved in Yay after all that wait I'm released one thing that I thought would help me connect with people was to get involved with a non profit since I could do that without a work permit I did some research to find organizations where I would fit in and ended up reaching out to the AMA American Marketing Association of Birmingham I started volunteering about a week later and a couple of months after that I joined the board the president at the time was Gus and he was a great mentor for me during the luncheon of his last term he put me on the spot and reminded everyone of how bad my English was when I first started why did I say that oh I guess that the things you remember versus the things you don't I volunteered as the VP of sponsors that was a year and a half ago and since then I've grown our sponsors met fascinating people and got to like the city a little more than when I first came one morning the president and vice president of the AMA asked me to meet with them they asked me if I would accept the president elect's position for the upcoming year I was shocked and had to think through it more I was afraid of speaking in front of all these smart people at our monthly luncheons without blushing cause I do blush easily someone recommended I join toastmasters to help me work through my fear and get comfortable with public speaking I know it will take time and be hard just like it was difficult to leave my birth country and start start this new journey with the man of my life despite all the hurts and hustles I've Learned that nothing worth having in life comes easy wow text me back that was my icebreaker speech there you have it it gives you a good view into where I was emotionally when I made that comparison with Orange Is the New Black if any of you know that show I mean it's they're just in jail not every part of it felt like it was I was relating to it but it's just that they were stuck they were confined and I would just binge watch in the basement on our mattress sitting on the floor and sometimes these were my days back to back so yeah just doing that is depressing I would not recommend to anyone but there were some days that this felt like the right thing to do I overcame it eventually but if anything my my one advice would be get out get involved with non profit get your spouse to drive you your in laws whoever cause you need to make friends and I know you're not gonna want to make friends but you need to you need to do the things that you were doing or discover new things that you wanna do it's important and um your significant other is gonna have to go to work it's gonna have its own thing and you have to rediscover yourself and you might knew who you were and what you liked but you're gonna have to rediscover who is that person and maybe therapy and I didn't do therapy at at first I did later um to help me different levels I'm still working on things and I think it's the most beautiful gift you can do to yourself we all have UPS and downs and it's easier to work on yourself when it's not too low when it's not too down and actually when it's going well so even if you think you got this I would if I could sponsor this episode by I mean one of those better health apps out there where you can do it virtually like do it get get support from people that don't know you personally they're not tied to things the same way you are to those situations to those events to those people to those emotions that carry you over today's episode is brought to you by Birmingham Bread Works they've been serving up amazing sourdough bread European style pastries pizza soup sandwiches all made from scratch since 2,014 everything they make is fresh no preservatives no additives just simple clean ingredients Dark Cafe is the perfect cozy spot with natural lighting warm wooden tones and art from local students and photographers it's perfect to grab a coffee or something delicious to eat plus they're big on sustainability as a gold level member of the Eat Earth Aware team stop by Birmingham Breadworks and taste the difference of fresh local food because that's a normal thing to experience emotional breakdowns and you wanna have all the support you need during that time and along those lines who helped me feel like grounded I mean my in laws as I mentioned they were a tremendous help and wow I I cannot think of a time that they were not there for me we're really a tight family tight tie well tie we're we're we're knit tight I guess that's the expression so I'm very thankful for that also the AMA community at the time that was helpful for me to get involved that way I also did nanny before I started my job at the agency which was my first job in my field here in Birmingham I worked at an agency but prior to that I worked as a nanny and I loved every moment of it I had a 3 and a 5 years old a little girl a little boy and I would pick them up at well later at school but then earlier other activities too I will bring them to I'll go to gymnastics to wrestling do they have pool at some point yeah all kind of activities we will go have lunch together I'll take them to places to to to let's play which is like an area where there's trampolines and and all kind of things for kids to play they were my best friends they it was so hard to leave them to go enter the the big world hahaha to start my career for real also at first I really didn't want to make friends I think now I mean I've been able to make friends and connections and co workers just different people will come and go some will stay but it helped me feel grounded it did it really did I think living in the condo at the time was also hard even though it was our place but we stayed there for a couple of years we've recently have been living in a house and oh my God what a difference the space I think just I mean now both my husband and I we work from home so it's definitely allowing us to do our work that allows us to have more space but also just in the kitchen like we're we stopped just hitting with our what's that part of the body with our elbows hitting each other just cause it's too tight in the kitchen now we can cook we have room another thing that has made a tremendous difference is the noise level we used to live on a very busy street and now it's quiet and the nature is beautiful um we have bunnies rabbits that come visit us every morning the deers and even the bird population is is huge another aspect that has changed and evolved is the way I speak and the way I think definitely I'm kind of a sponge when it comes to languages so I take everything you give me especially from co workers like working I used to work in an office and a couple of previous employment jobs that I've had it's so easy to pick up on the different expressions in the first year I have Learned so many expressions that I started Expression Dictionary okay one that I think I remember on top of my head is oh I'm afraid I'm not gonna say it the way it's typically said and I think also he was kind of messing up with me a little bit but it's like ain't no Tang oh that's it ain't no Tang what does that mean I can't help you hahaha I have to look at my dictionary it's like maybe there's no way ain't ain't no thing oh well it's not something you hear often it's just like once I say oh I have a a list of expressions then people start giving you a bunch of expressions to add and the fun thing to that I was doing is I will put the name of the person along with the context and what it means in the expression itself so that was a lot of fun when I first got here I find speaking English exhausting as I mentioned earlier so it it took a lot of energy it's very draining I think the aspect that was the most difficult for me was to express my emotions in English so if Sam and I were having a conversation that was more personal more you know just a a good conversation that I wanted to share how I felt it was really hard for me I couldn't do that very well I think I was lacking the vocabulary and maybe the patience and I found that very frustrating now it's fine I can speak and express myself very well and the moment there's a critical moment I realized I was comfortable speaking English and it's when I was so I send a lot of audio messages I think to my friends locally but also to my friends abroad and family and I I use all the platform I mean I use Facebook Messenger I use WhatsApp text message from like iPhones and there are other ones I used in the past but I guess these are the main and it was on WhatsApp and I recorded a message I'm recording the message and then I'm speaking in French at first and then suddenly I swap to English and then I realize after the fact I'm like what how did that happen and I had to I relisten that audio message and I'm thinking wow it just blew my mind it blew my mind because I didn't realize I did it until after the fact and that's when I realized okay like I'm starting to feel the bilingualism effect and that was cool that was really cool I would dream in French most of the time now my husband told me I dream in English sometimes it's multilingual though my expressions and my tongue the way I talk in English definitely has a twist southern twist French twist probably Spanish twist and cause again I'm a sponge when it comes to languages also I think differently I think being exposed to different culture if you're curious and if you're open allow you to see beautiful things that's something that we should all be culturally curious because there's not one way of living a life I think as humans we always look at finding purpose often times or sometimes often in Alabama religion is one way to do that and I've Learned to embrace it even though it doesn't speak to me the same way it speaks to people here it's at the core of people's life in a way that I've never experienced before and it's OK I'm OK I respect that but I'll give you an example that really astonished me when I first saw it is I was at a cafe you know when you go to a coffee shop you see people studying you see people maybe reading being on the computer meeting a friend sipping on a cup of coffee things like that well there was a group of young adults sitting at a table together all with their brick aka their Bible personal Bible most of the time they have their name written on it on the first cover page or somewhere like that which is like kind of engraved or there's some you know it's not just like you write your name with a pencil on the first page it's really the nice cover with your name on it and they were reading the Bible together and that's called Bible Study in case you don't know I didn't know at first and I've never seen that I'm like oh okay that's interesting so but at first it's like what do you do you might judge you might feel like what the heck are they doing but then you learn from it I think you if you ask questions too if you get interested turns out this is not for me but it doesn't remove the fact that I think it's beautiful in its own way the fact that people do that to get re reminded about the words and beliefs that they all share and carry and they put God in front of everything in front of their marriage in front of like that's kind because that's their way of living so I get that and I think that's beautiful to me it translate differently and I look at it as a more of a spiritual way of living my husband he grew up in a Christian household I grew up Catholic I don't think I grew up the same way Catholicism is practiced here just because Sam will tell me things that I'm like hmm we would not do that but that could be country differences I don't really know all that to say I grew up Catholic but we were not practicing we would not go to church I would go to church once or twice a year it was the night before Christmas and sometimes on Easter that was it now we still don't go to church but his parents do he would go when he was young and for him it was really the way to make friends and here church is is where everyone gather and it's friendships it's so it's very present it's omnipresent in people's lives I have friends that go to church every Sunday and that's fine we can still be friends you know I think one thing that I've Learned through this too is I mean obviously you see who your real friends are by moving abroad cause proximity is a factor that definitely shapes whether you end up being friends or keeping your your friend if they're close to you but when you go far it does change things quite a bit it could more easily so it does require an additional effort and you end up seeing who really are your your good friends and I have some good friends um and some that we just lost touch and that's okay if you're thinking of moving abroad would I recommend you do it or not absolutely yes I think early on especially is perfect because you're not settled in if I have one advice for any any teenagers that graduated from college and they're unsure about their career take freaking a couple of years and travel the world and I don't mean it in a way like don't take any responsibilities or get yourself in debt no no no use money that you have that's definitely the ideal scenario oh that has changed in my life too the my relationship with money we both come from nothing Sam and I we've built everything we have from the ground up I think my relationship with money has evolved um I'm more of a spender he's more of a saver and it's often like that in a relationship if you have both I think I understand the value of money much more and yes I still like to spend but I'm really more mindful of it and I think that's important especially when you go into a relationship with someone to be aligned financially because that's one of the top causes for divorce as most of you know so you wanna have these conversations early on like what amount of debt if you have debt and you know how much money you spend on the month on a monthly basis and things like that definitely up for good conversations there would I recommend you moving abroad for love 1,000% it has been the most difficult experience of mine but also the most rewarding I'm just so proud of how far we've come along and I'm proud of him proud of me I'm proud of us it hasn't been easy but oh my goodness when I look back I am just astonished at first it's not gonna be you think a way in one way and the other person think the same Sam and I were really on two opposite spectrum he saw meeting me as something and I saw him as something as far as like how we relate to each other I didn't want to be in a serious relationship with him neither did I wanna get married he made me wanna be in a marriage he made me wanna have that life because I've never met a man like him before I owe the people that have supported us along the way has made a difference and that of his friend I know he would message them early on on a regular basis asking about us how it's going with the French girl and I think it really had it had an impact on us um because times that we're like ugh are we are we are we like on the right path this is hard because it's hard to be far away from the person you love and once you have those feelings involved it's hard it's hard because it requires a lot of patience there's a lot of doubts that don't necessarily come from you but from people that love you and care about you and they don't want you to be hurt they don't want you to think something and then something else happen they think you might live in a fairy tale it sounds like a fairy tale and I'm aware of it and to be honest sometimes I felt frustrated about it it's like don't idolize don't look at our relationship like it's the best thing in the world because it's not because we have our own challenges and now I think of it and like it that's fine in the past I've I would kind of tend to reduce the value of us minimize what our relationship is because we were put on a pedestal every time like we're the perfect couple it's a romantic way of meeting someone obviously but it gives you also some type of status that I wasn't ready to own and it's challenging the perceptions of others but it's OK they can they can say what they want they can look at you the way they want only you to know what's really important and what you care about so have that North Star guide your decisions so on that note one more thing I wanna say is if there's one thing I think I wish someone would have told me would be it's a journey and it's gonna take time for you to adjust to your new life but also to your partner because the fact that we didn't live together and I know in my culture you do live with the person before you get married and the culture in Alabama often times you don't live with the person that my thoughts haven't changed I do see a ton of value in really getting to know the person and and living with the person before getting married that's my personal opinion one thing that I wish someone would have told me at first would be don't try to keep it your way be open to forming a new way of doing things with your person and that goes both ways so what I mean by that is you have a background this person have a background which naturally condition you to do things a certain way there's a culture aspect on top of that that's an additional layers there's all these layers of you have knowledge of certain things you have culture like that background that relationship background that family background expectations that's another one and what you two were when you met versus how you think it's gonna be there's all these things and you to come with that and that lives in your head when you come together be open be open to change be open to looking at a new way of doing things whether it's as simple as cooking dinner to how we're gonna manage our finances together and how can you come together and find your combined way it's not what how you used to do things it's not how he used to do things it's how you're gonna do things moving forward and that new approach it's gonna help because there's not one way that's good one way that's not good you make it what you want to make it this move from Canada to the United States moved me it really had a tremendous impact on in my life on my person in many many different ways that I could not have enough recording time to explain all the facets that he has shaped me into the person that I am today if you are in that messy middle I hear you I see you and I just want you to know that it's gonna be fine and I just hope that it helped you to feel a little less alone I'd love to hear your thoughts and what you'd like to hear more of send me your feedback feel free to send me a DM you can now do that directly from Apple Podcast and Spotify and I'll see you next time in the meantime keep exploring thank you for tuning in to from where to here if you enjoyed this episode be sure to hit subscribe leave a review and share it with someone who loves discovering new cultures follow us on Instagram at from where to hear pod for exclusive updates behind the scenes moments and a peek at upcoming guests until next time keep learning keep connecting and keep celebrating the beauty of languages and cultures adiós